It's Only The Beginning

*Sorry this is so long! I tried to shorten it as much as I could but I guess I just have a lot to say. :)

:::IT’S ONLY THE BEGINNING:::

I am officially finished teaching summer school at Quitman Elementary. My last day was full of celebrations, laughter, dancing, snacks, and good-byes. It was hard to see the kids go. The classroom transformed from a place filled with little kids bursting with hopes and dreams to a dark, empty room with curtains pulled and miniature chairs stacked on the tables. It felt like the end, but I know it’s only the beginning.

Currently I am staying at a community member’s house in Sledge, MS. The house is a two-story, bright orange, farmhouse out in the country. I drove up to the house yesterday evening and met the family that I will be staying with until I find housing in Clarskdale.

God has been so faithful through this entire experience. Coming to Delta State over a month ago I was nervous that I was going to be an outcast and was not going to find friends that I could relate with at the heart level. But He showed me a community of brothers and sisters that challenged me, loved me, and laughed with me through the long days and short nights during summer school and institute. Last night was another sign of His providence. I was nervous about staying at a house with people I had never met before and had been praying that God would send me wherever He desired me to go.

The family is so sweet and has welcomed me in with open arms as well as introducing me to the wonderful world of grits and cheese for breakfast. The husband has been a high school teacher for the last 20 years at the same school that I taught summer school for past five weeks and his wife is the publisher of a ministry magazine here in the Delta. As we were sitting out in the driveway, shooting the breeze (people here in the South sit outside whenever the sun isn’t too hot and the mosquitoes aren’t vicious) his daughter drove up and I recognized her from summer school as well. She is a sixth grade teacher and was a faculty advisor over the summer. I saw her every morning when I was at school learning how exactly I was supposed to do this thing called teaching! It was so comforting to see a familiar face.

Later we went over to her house to have a Bible Study and I got to meet her four daughters. It was a beautiful night.It was so awesome to see a glimpse of God’s providence and how He is opening doors in unexpected ways. The husband is so encouraging and after the Bible Study he said, “Well, Ms. Sally I am starting to see you as a resource. Do you play any instruments? Would you like to help out with the youth in our church?” This morning I was reading some of the magazines the wife has published. My imagination started to take over as I thought how God may be able to use what I have been learning the past four years, talents, and skills to help make this magazine something bigger. They recently changed the magazine to be nation wide and are looking to spread the Gospel and encourage believers to do good works out of love. All of the things that have been going through my head and my heart as well as some of the opportunities I can see are a little bit intimidating. I know God’s plans are bigger than mine – but sometimes when He shows me pieces I get a little nervous to be a part of something so huge.

:::PLACEMENT:::

Update: I am officially placed in Coahoma County. I will teach at one of the four elementary schools. I have a contract waiting for me to sign on the 28^th in which I will find out what school specifically as well as what grade I will be teaching come August 5^th. More updates coming soon.

:::REWIND::::

Since it has been almost two weeks since my last post I will try to update y’all as to what I have been up to. So, please rewind with me.

:::BB KING HOMECOMING PARTY:::

The king of the blues was born and raised in Indianola, MS.

Some friends and I decided we would make the hour drive to go see the King perform in his hometown and experience more of the Delta. The festival was full of live blues music, people sitting on picnic blankets and chicken on a stick. One of my friends and I started line dancing to the music and before we knew it about fifteen others had joined us. It was the epitome of what life in the Delta looks like: folks hanging out under the blanket of the Mississippi heat, enjoying each other’s company and listening to some good blues music. Add some solid line dancing and some sweet tea and you’ve got yourself one good Friday night.

:::I’M GOIN’ TO JACKSON::: Lazy Magnolias, Oreos, and Laughter

Over the July fourth weekend TFA gave us Monday off. That meant we had our first long weekend since coming into the world of craziness. A few friends and I decided to head down to Jackson to get away from TFA world and the beloved dorm room for a few days. The weekend was refreshing. We hung out at a coffee shop -where I had the best double-shot caramel frappachino I have ever tasted- went shopping at a few stores for some teacher clothes, and ended the day going to a hot air balloon show, drinking a few Lazy Magnolias, eating oreos and listening to creative fiction pieces my friend wrote for her senior project. It was a great weekend out with the girls.

:::JULY 4^th PARTY:::

We came back on Sunday afternoon for the Fourth of July Party in Cleveland. The celebration was planned in honor of TFA and had volleyball, golf, a live band, BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and, of course, a fireworks show. Cleveland has been so supportive of TFA and continues to go above and beyond to make us feel at home here in the Delta.

:::READING WEEK:::

That following week I switched from teaching math to teaching reading. I started the day with the kids. We did vocab and practiced spelling of different words, then we would do a read-aloud and read a poem together. It was this week that I finally started to feel like a teacher. I think a lot of things finally clicked and I was so encouraged to see the hard work and struggles produce some seen fruit and growth. My Faculty Advisor wrote a sweet note (I will try to post it later, once I unpack all my boxes and get a little more organized) welcoming me into the teaching profession. It was also this week that we had a lot of visitors. Many other teachers were coming in to observe the class and word started to spread about how the first grade “Shining Stars” were so well behaved and were a class to visit.

:::TIME FOR PRAYER:::

On Thursday my lesson was interrupted for a discussion about bullying. I stopped the class and told them to listen carefully for we were going to talk about something very serious. We talked about what type of classroom we wanted, either a safe classroom or an unsafe classroom. We talked about how everyone has a choice to either be mean or be nice and how each and everyone of them has to make a choice on how they going to act. I said, “Now, how do you want to act? Do you want to be nice or be mean? Because you have a choice.” And one of my students Mauri* said, “Well, I think God wants us to act nice to people.” Because of the separation of church and state I was not sure what I could say and couldn’t say. So I responded by saying, “I think you are right Mauri” Then the discussion continued and one girl said, “Yea, and God is happy when we are nice, but when we are mean the Devil is happy. But God is happy when we are nice, so we should be nice.” I nodded and said that I couldn’t disagree with that and then wrapped up the conversation by asking the students to stop and think quietly. They could pray to God if they wanted to and ask him to help them be nice the rest of the day. We said Amen and then continued on with our lesson. It was surreal, yet so lovely. I have a feeling I am going to have more moments like this in the Delta. The school systems are mostly made up of Pastors, Laymen, Sunday School teachers, and the likes. To say separation of church and state in the Delta is fuzzy is an understatement. I don’t know anywhere else I would rather be.

:::MAURIE:::

This little boy is the perfect picture of the achievement gap. He is one real-life reason of why I am teaching here in the Delta. Maurie is bright, witty, and strong willed for a first grader. He comes from a rough home but works hard at school. He struggles with reading and paying attention but is so full of joy and love. He grew so much this summer and I saw “light-bulb moment after light-bulb moment” go off.

:::WARM SOUTHERN RAIN & FRONT PORCH SITTIN’:::

When it rains here it is like stepping into a warm shower. I have never loved rain more than I love Mississippi rain. Running in the rain has become my new favorite hobby. It has been a pleasant surprise that continues to bring a smile to my face. I have also become very interested in front porch sittin’. Driving down the street in the evening you will see people sitting on their porch about three out of five houses. There is a beautiful sense of community here in the Delta that I think I am getting used to.

:::MISSING THE BUS:::

It is every school kids fear: missing the bus. I remember when I was younger waiting longingly for the bus to come. I would have a fear that I would be left. I remember days the driver would honk his horn at me as I was running out the door with shoes untied and bag draped over one shoulder. I don’t remember missing the bus one time in my years of riding it as a kid. Maybe that is why it is so ironic that I, a 22-year-old teacher, missed the bus one morning. I started running as I saw my yellow ride pulling around the corner. A TFA helper called my bus driver, who then turned around and came back to pick up the abandoned schoolteacher.

:::PRAYER & DANCE:::

Throughout institute I was continually encouraged by a group of believers. We got together once a week to pray, share what God was teaching us, and simply remove ourselves from TFA world. Our nightly five-minute dance parties and oreos and milk helped keep me sane and provided much needed release.

:::NO NEED FOR SUPER SIZE:::

Portion sizes in the Delta are something to get accustomed to. When I ask for a 99cent sweet tea and walk out of the store with a cup larger than my head, it is then that one begins to realize Mississippi’s motto. Bigger is better. (I am not sure if this is their motto… but it sure seems like it! Ha) I have discovered one of my new favorite restaurants. Dodge’s Chicken – which provides free snack packs to those a part of TFA. A “snack” pack consists of one chicken strip, two BBQ chicken wings, a fried mashed potato spud, a dinner role, and an apple turnover. I am not going to lie to y’all. I have had a few of these in the past few weeks and I have started to crave fried food… this could be dangerous.

:::CLARKSDALE, MY NEW HOME?:::

My suitemate and I took a day trip to the beautiful town of Clarksdale, our potential home for the next two years. Downtown Clarksdale is full of history and home to Morgan Freeman’s restaurant and bar, Madidi. There was a live blues band playing on the street that filled the air with rhythm and energy.

:::BANANA PUDDING:::

The past few weeks a group of us have been attending a church down the street. This church is full of people who are so welcoming and loving. On our last Sunday they asked us to stay for some food and banana pudding. What more could a girl ask for?

:::BROTHER’S BLOG:::

Below is an excerpt from one of my friend’s blog while he was studying abroad in Korea. He has become one of my closest friends and has been such an encouragement to me. He puts into words a lot of what I have been feeling the past month or so. So, here is a summary of what I have been feeling, through the eyes and mouth of my newfound brother in Christ.

“One of the reasons that I love Jesus Christ so much is that he suffered tremendously -- and not only did he experience agony on the cross at the end of his life, but tribulation, temptation, and pain marked his whole ministry. From the beginning, when Satan tempted him with wealth, health, and prosperity, to the end, when his own people nailed him to the cross, our Savior was rightly prophesied the Suffering Servant. He suffered on our behalf and he vicariously endured the wrath we deserved, but he didn't do it so that we may live victorious and abundant lives; he suffered not to rid the world of suffering, but he experienced pain and torture and said that we, too, as radical followers of the him, would endure similar pain and hardships. Bearing our crosses, we are persecuted, alive in Christ and dead to the world's friendship.

But God has proved to be so faithful that I dare not complain, lest I trod on the grace that He’s lavished upon me in the last four months! He prepared me to go back and assured me that His grace is indeed sufficient for all things, and as I look back not only at the last four months, but this entire year, I see His workings in my life brightly, and they encourage me to press on and endure.”

:::LOVE WHERE I AM AT:::

I am not sure how to teach in a low-income school then go and live in a comfortable house. My time here in the Delta is not simply about me becoming a great teacher or understanding the ins and outs of Teach For America. I can see it is about learning how to love people wherever I am at. Learning what it means to be available to be used by God whenever and however. I want to know what it looks like to love my students, my community, roommates, and fellow corps members. All I have been given is love and grace in abundance and that is all I have to give, which is easier said than done! But I want my mind to be changed so that I am not thinking about what is to come or dream of ways that I can serve Christ in the future. I want to wake up each day and ask the Lord to wash over me and go before me so that I may join him in his work to draw people to himself through love undeserving.

In the words of my sister,

“Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior. And if He had not come after me and changed my heart I would not be here.

The Lord and Savior that I am a willing bond servant of is King of the Universe. He calls His lambs to do as he has done. (John 10:4) For them to take up their cross and follow him. Daily. (Luke 9:23) To follow Him in doing the will of God (Matthew 12:50), To serve the poor and help those in need. To live a life of self denial. To decrease so God might increase (John 3:30).

To Him be the Glory.

I just want to follow Him. Some days I get distracted or confused. But I am thankful that the grace I receive is based on the merit of another - Jesus Christ."

:::WISH LIST:::

Mississippi necessities:

1. Hammock

2. Rocking Chair for my front porch… maybe a house with a porch is the first requirement, which intern means a job would come first. Hmm… one thing at a time

:::LOOK OUT TOWER:::

Mississippi not only is home of the most beautiful sunrises, but is also owner of the most vibrant sunsets. While on a run my last week at DSU I found a lookout tower by the practice football field on campus. After climbing the makeshift ladder with one missing step I found myself the best seat in the house. This tower became my new favorite place and I visited it often to watch the Lord cover the sky with lively orange, pink, purple, and yellow paints.

:::TEARS & LOVE:::

I made a student cry on Wednesday. It was a loud, boisterous cry equipped with tears and kicking – did I mention this took place in the cafeteria? It was my first lesson in true, hard discipline. One minute this student was crying and obviously angry at me. The next minute she was giving me a hug and was sad she had to leave to go home.

On Thursday one of my students was listening intently to the book I was reading. He was sitting up straight on the reading rug with his legs folded and his hands in his lap. His eyes were fixed on me. When I was done with the book I looked up and he said, “Ms. Wolff. I love you. And I will love you forever. Even when school is done, I will love you.”

:::PIZZA & FAITH:::

A small group of girls from my summer school team decided to go out for Pizza on Friday night. We ate and talked for about three hours, until the owner started cleaning tables and closing shop. It was so energizing to sit around with three other girls with different views and beliefs and talk openly about our faith. These girls are some of my closest friends here in the Delta. One is Jewish, the other grew up Christian but is openly agnostic, and the other is a new believer. We sat around and talked about school, life, TFA, and faith.

:::TEARS OF CHANGE:::

On Saturday I broke down and cried. Sometimes it is so hard to accept change. I am just starting to feel like myself and am beginning to feel like I am surrounded by a group of friends that love me and want to know me. Saturday morning I realized that I was once again entering into a new unknown. The only difference is this season will last two years. My newly made friends are being placed all over the Delta, some only an hour away, others three hours away. But in any case I am so thankful for the memories we have made. I know we will be able to stay in touch even if we can’t walk across the hall to see each other. I feel like I am leaving college all over again. I am horrible with good-byes. But I know that change is a part of life. I just wish I didn’t have to open my heart to people to get to know them, only to have to leave them…

:::LIVING WITH ONE FOOT RAISED:::

This is short transcript from a sermon titled "Living With One Foot Raised" from The Village Church. This was so encouraging to me I just wanted to share it with y’all.

“I see a lot of Christians that are trying as hard as they can to look like the world while maintaining their morals.

Christians make a difference in the world by being different from this world not by being the same. We need to remember that God has established his church as an alternative society not to compete with or copy this world but to offer a refreshing alternative to it. We want to be an alternate city within our city.

When we forget this we inadvertently communicate to our culture that we have nothing unique to offer nothing deeply spiritual or profoundly transforming. Tragically this leaves many in our world looking elsewhere for the difference they crave. It’s convicting! But when our minds and our hearts are set on Christ and His return, when we treasure Christ above all things that is not the case. We are different. Not because we are trying to be different but because we ARE different because our values have informed everything that we do. HE WHO WE TREASURE HAS CHANGED EVERYTHING ABOUT US.

This relationship with Jesus gives us the joy and satisfaction we crave so we no longer find joy in the things of this world above the joy we find in Christ. We still enjoy being in the world but not ABOVE Christ - but BECAUSE of Christ.

What does this look like? What does it look like to have a heart cultivated and a heavenly mindset that is toward Christ? What does it look like to become a person who meditates and sets our mind and our heart on Christ and His return in such a way that leads us to living life a certain way? I am not sure I can tell you a five step plan... but I know where we can start.

We can all start tonight by admitting to ourselves and to God that we are not there yet and ask the Holy Spirit to help us to begin to move in that direction.”

:::UNTIL NEXT TIME:::

May the Lord grant us eyes to see, ears to hear, a heart to love, feet to go, hands to serve, a mouth to speak, and a mind full of wisdom from above.

Abba Changes Everything

Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

A beautiful article about what it means to be adopted into God's family as well as what it means to take care of orphans here on earth.

Newspaper Articles About TFA

What They're Doing After Harvard

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704198004575311052522926796.html

What Makes A Great Teacher

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/01/what-makes-a-great-teacher/7841/1/

What is repentance and is it necessary for salvation?

What is repentance and is it necessary for salvation?

This was really interesting to me and I thought I would share it! May the Lord transform our minds! May we not be drawn into thinking, loving, or dwelling on things of the flesh! Oh, Jesus satisfy us! Renew us! :)

Ms. Fox, Ms. Fox

::: Ms. Fox, Meet The Kids:::

I walked into Quitman Elementary last week wide-eyed and ready to teach, as well as ready to learn. When I stepped into the classroom for the first time I was struck by the unfamiliar feeling of being tall. All the miniature chairs, low sinks, and small tables sent a strange sense of reality through my body. I am a teacher. I am in charge of teaching these little kids about respect, life, and how to master objective after objective so they can pass the state assessments.

I have now seen seven days in front of the classroom and each day seems to present it’s own challenges. Classroom management has proven to be one of my biggest struggles. Even the simple task of taking the kids to the bathroom can turn into mass chaos if the paper towels run out. I can see that I have a long ways to go before I can confidently call myself a teacher.

For the first part of last week my students called me Ms. Fox. I was fairly impressed that they made some sort of unspoken connection between a wolf and a fox but couldn’t allow them to call me by the wrong name. Each day I had to reinforce that I was in fact Ms. Wolff, their teacher and they needed to call me Ms. Wolff. It wasn’t until one of the boys piped up and said, “Oh, I get it. Your name’s Ms. Wolff ‘cause you got them fangs.”

:::LOVE:::

I have learned a lot this past week that I really do not know how to love people unconditionally. Teaching and managing a classroom with two other rookie teachers tests your patience and communication skills. We spend so much time together it is so easy to get on each other’s nerves, and I have found that I have a shorter fuse than I once thought. There have been a several apologizes and moments of humility for me. God has been showing me that it is in the hard times that I must take joy, for the testing of my faith produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope, and hope does not disappoint us!

It has also been hard for me to love all of my students. Oh, how hard it is to love the students that consistently disrupt class! But I pray that I may have patience and love overflowing for these kids.

:::What A Weekend:::

After my first week I felt like I was drowning in TFA world. On Friday I went out for pizza with some friends and ended up falling asleep on a friends couch while watching an episode of Myth Busters (it was the one where they try to confirm/bust all the conspiracy theories about the USA landing on the moon).

Saturday I woke up early and went with a friend to the local farmers market. You know you are in a small town when the only directions you can find say, “The market is located on the grassy lawn behind the post office”. That would help if I first knew where the post office was! Once we found the market, we browsed through the five-stand selection. I left with a bag of plum tomatoes for a dollar and a bag of corn on the cob for four. Not a bad morning.

We stopped at a local donut shop on the way back and got some chocolate milk and donut holes. I did some laundry, mopped the bathroom floor, and cleaned my room. Then my friend made me some French Pressed coffee, we got some lunch to-go and headed on our way to a local park about thirty minutes away. This park had a lookout tower over the Mississippi River and was the perfect getaway. We played guitar, read, napped, and breathed for two hours. Before Saturday it had been a long time since I had actually breathed. Like noticed my own breathing and enjoyed doing it. It is a precious thing.

We came back to campus and I met up with some people to lesson plan. Then we jetted to Sonic for some ice cream and cheese sticks. Went shopping at the local Wal-Mart and then the Dollar Tree and then called it a night. It was a very relaxing yet enjoyable Saturday.

Sunday started off with a 20 minute run and then church. It was a mellow work day in which I tried to be productive, and was to some extent, but really ended up just getting done what I needed to get done, went on another run with a friend, and then hit the sack.

:::Tiny Hands:::

The past two weeks I have been reading a lot from the ministry Tiny Hands International. This ministry is based out of Lincoln, Nebraska but does a lot of work over in Nepal to help house orphans as well as fight the sex-trafficking industry. http://www.tinyhandsinternational.org/

This ministry continues to bring healthy doses of perspective into my life. The past few weeks has been a time of overwhelming emotions at times.I thought I was lonely and unsure, uncomfortable and stressed - but reading about the 10,000 girls in Nepal who get sold into sex-trafficking each year and all of the sudden my struggles seem so insignificant. Now I can't say that I shouldn't feel anything bad or that it isn't okay for me to feel alone sometimes or sad or stressed... I am not saying that. But in all reality I have been so blessed and I have the love of my Heavenly Father and Creator, a supportive family and friends, a stable place to sleep at night and so much more. I have been given True Life. Is there anything more?

:::Fall Placement:::

I just received an email a few hours ago with a spreadsheet with all of the TENTATIVE placements that have been made in the Delta so far for this coming school year. There are 275 corps members in the Delta and only a little over half have been placed. But, guess what! My name was on there. Now, nothing is for sure and nothing is set but here is what it said in the spreadsheet.

Coahoma Co: Not Sure Where : )

Wolff, Sally

I am not sure what that means, because everyone else has a “School Name & Grade Level” where mine says “Not Sure Where”. All I have is a county! But, hey that is a start! All I can do is pray that it would get finalized as soon as possible and I would end up where the Lord would desire me to be. Thank you for everyone who has been praying!

:::July 4^th:::

This weekend BB King is going to be in town and we have Monday off from school. That means if anyone wants to come visit this weekend would be the time! Did I mention I have Monday off?

:::Good Night:::

I would like to end this blog by pasting in something I wrote earlier in the week in an email.

I don't know how to give everything to the Lord. But I do know that it is better when I am humbled and am relying totally on His strength and the direction of the Spirit. It is so tempting for me to try to take control of my class and do it my way... but I pray the Lord will open up my eyes to Him and how He wants me to be used in this place. May He grant me with eyes to see, ears to hear, a heart to love, feet to serve, and a quiet tongue.

Mosquitoes, Early Mornings, and Humility

:::First Day Of School:::

I have found that most days I have an ongoing dialogue in my head. Life here in Mississippi has made me very aware of my surroundings and myself. It is almost like all of my senses are constantly working to take everything in. Maybe I have developed this habit because I only know a few people here and so I need someone to talk to, which most conveniently and somewhat embarrassingly has become myself. Either I am becoming more independent and self-reflective or just plain crazy. It is still too early to tell.

Currently I am on the bus riding to Quitman Elementary for my first day of summer school. There are only a few perks to waking up at 4:45am every morning. I have experienced some of the most vibrant sunrises I have ever seen. This part of Mississippi is very similar to Nebraska: flat. This morning sent a special fog over the endless cotton and rice fields, which reflected the pink and purple sky, which made the 1 hour bus ride manageable and it almost caused me to forget what unknown territory is ahead of me.

The next five weeks I will be teaching a group of 24 hopeful first graders. Most of them passed kindergarten but some are attending summer school to “work hard and get smart”, one of TFA’s famous sayings/beliefs. I will be sharing a classroom with two other TFA corps members. We each have our own blocks in which we teach the classroom by ourselves however we also work together to help fine tune lesson plans and develop classroom management.

Last week we spent most of our time learning more about how to create the ever so infamous lesson plan. I can say with humility and passion that I already to not like very necessary lesson plan. The past week has been full of a lot of work and little sleep.

With late night Wal-Mart runs and early morning shuffles to the cafeteria to eat breakfast and pack my lunch I find my self with little room for “me time”. The only thing that keeps me going is the strength of the Lord and the daily laugh that comes from my own inner dialogue.

:::Just Have To Laugh:::

For example, I sat down the other day for breakfast and nicely piled next to my cereal bowl was a stack of six killed mosquitoes. It was the first time I had ever seen something so disgusting yet worth rejoicing. I laughed for a good three minutes at the sight. The mosquitoes here are more intense than anything I could have ever imagined. The campus sprays every night so usually the evenings are not too bad, but in the mornings the air is thick with the things and they flood every nook and cranny they can find, including the dinning hall.

The first day we loaded the bus to visit Quitman Elementary was quite the surreal sight. Here were forty intelligent aspiring teachers, rushing across campus loaded with their backpacks and lunch boxes, each possessing a tinge of fear in their eyes that they may miss the bus. Once all were settled in on the bus, I looked around to take in the scene. Most of my peers were sleeping either with mouth wide open, curled up in a ball on the seat, or with head bobbing up and down at each bump in the road.

:::Catfish Fry:::

The community has been so welcoming. At every turn there are signs welcoming Teach For America members. The surrounding towns have been so supportive and I am so thankful that I was placed in a rural region. The first Friday we were here a nearby town held a catfish fry. They set up a large tent right next to the Mississippi river, had a live blues band and cooked for us. It truly felt like the south.

I have gotten used to being sticky and realizing that people just don’t look too good in their clothes when they are outside. The humidity is so heavy here people sweat just by standing still outside.

:::Chocolate Mess:::

Having your birthday a few weeks after you move to a different state usually isn’t highly preferred. So when I found out two of my Delta friends had birthday’s just a few days apart from each other I volunteered to make them a cake. It proved to be a humbling yet yummy experience. We have a kitchen in the main living areas of the dorms, however no microwave (that I have found) and I do not have any cooking pots or pans. I started my ice-cream cake with excitement and a spirit of innovation. I was going to get this done and was going to do it right. Things were going smooth: -layer of angle food cake “check” -layer of crushed up Oreos in a torn Wal Mart sack “check” – Peanut butter “Check” –Ice Cream “Check” –floppy pan “check”. But then came the time to melt the fudge. I decided to melt the fudge on the stove top of the olive green electric stove. . . in the glass jar. Things were going well until I hit the jar with a knife and broke the fudge jar. Brown-gooey-goodness filled the inside of the burner. So they layer of fudge was out of the picture. So moving on I went to make the peanut butter ice cream layer. I bought a $4 mixer just to mix the peanut butter and ice cream together. Well, that little thing didn’t know what hit him. It was smoking within the first few minutes. People kept stopping in and saying, “Wow, it smells good in here, kinda burnt but good?” I just had to chuckle and nod.

A group of people got together to pray that Thursday night and we sang happy birthday and ate the beautiful ice cream cake. People said it was good, I guess you just can’t screw up something lacks so significantly in nutritional value. It was so refreshing to be around others and study the Word with them. These people have such a positive outlook and I was so encouraged. We talked about humility before the Lord and what it looks like to repent and be in awe of His love for us.

:::Back In Nebraska:::

I flew home on Friday out of Memphis, Tennessee. I woke up an hour after my alarm but managed to get myself to the airport on time. Driving, parking, checking in, and boarding all by myself made me feel so grown up. Teach For America sort of forces you to being grown up. It doesn’t really give you an option.

Either you are going to rise to the challenge or you are not. Flying by myself was just the icing on the cake. (Even though Sara booked my flights for me – I am still going to count it as a step towards independence) The flight from Memphis to Omaha only takes 1.5 hours. Quite the difference from the 14 hour drive. Saturday was my brother’s wedding. I got to hang out with my new sister-in-law as well as see a lot of family. It was such a beautiful wedding and I am so thankful I got to leave the TFA bubble for a weekend.

I broke down crying on Sunday night when I realized just how much I missed my family. There are so many days I want to quit TFA and move back to Nebraska. I miss my Dad’s hugs and my Mom’s laugh not to mention my grandparents, actually knowing people, my friends, and the security of my house. It was an emotional weekend. From the wedding to saying good-byes then coming back to TFA world to prepare for my first day of summer school. Oh, I pray the Lord gives me strength and joy for the last few days have been hard.

:::No One Is Good, Not Even One:::

This is what I have been learning. It is a look “under-the-surface” of the last few weeks. I will try to keep it short and sweet.

On the plane ride home I sat next to a nice man named Mike. Mike made the comment a few times that he thought what I was doing with TFA was generous and that I must be a really good person. All I could think about was that no one is good, no not even one (Romans 3:9-11) and that all my good deeds are actually like filthy rags in comparison to the Holy God that created me (Isaiah 64:6).

So, I started to think that this life is really all about humility. About being washed in grace. Knowing that I can’t do it and I don’t have to because He did it all. I do not do good things to be a good person. I continue to try to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord not FOR Him but BECAUSE of Him. Because He created me to be loved by Him and to rest in His peace. But that doesn’t mean that I continue to live the way that I did. If I really encounter the Crazy Love of Jesus I should live changed. I should be most satisfied when I am in His presence. It is just hard to remember this truth sometimes when the world is screaming at you and telling you to join in. Most things seem harmless but really are not in alignment with what the Lord has for me. If I have to choose an experience from the world or being satisfied in the Lord, I pray I choose the latter.

I heard a quote that if you leave somewhere after you “preach” the gospel and they still like you – you should ask yourself if you really preached the true Gospel. So I had to ask myself what is the gospel? Well, I am still trying figuring out how to put such a loaded question into words. I know that I have experienced a change and feel His hand on my life. So, this is what I have been thinking. This Holy God created us to be in a relationship with Him. But we continue to run from Him to things that cannot and do not satisfy. Everything in this world fades except His Love. So when we put ourselves up against this Holy God we should tremble with respect. Jesus Christ stepped in between us to bridge the gap that was impossible for us to bridge through good works. So it is through grace I have been saved and been given Life. Oh, how I pray that I would thank Him for His abounding mercy by the way that I live.

The past few days have been tough. I realized the first day teaching I was so worried about what I could control that I forgot to dwell on the Lord and be still. I had a migraine after that. I pray that He teaches me to love and that I would continue to be called out if I am ever judgmental or, on the other side, tolerant or intrigued by sin.

This may be a weird way to leave this blog, but I am understanding and learning more and more that I cannot do it on my own. There are some extreme moments of loneliness, stress, and confusion. But I know that the Lord is faithful and I pray that he goes before me.

Please Pray:

For my placement in the fall

My classroom of 1^st graders: only 13 of the 24 have showed up

My collab group: may we have patience with each other and know how to encourage each other

Efficiency of work

Overflowing joy

God Is Faithful! Even When I Am Not.

*Sigh. Deep breath. Okay, where do I start? Today was the first formal day of Induction in the Delta. I am officially a member of the Teach For America movement one that now consists of over 7,500 teachers nationally with 550 in the Delta alone. My last week in Nebraska and the road trip down to Mississippi was full bittersweet moments. Below are just a few of them.

:::Pre- Institute Work:::

While reading through my Pre-Institute work I got a little nervous about the reality of the achievement gap in America. Before I started doing some research for and through TFA I was completely oblivious to the injustice many children face in the public school systems here in the states. Because of different socioeconomic conditions and low expectations many students are not given the opportunities other students get from a public school that may even be located in the same state.

Only one in ten students from a low-income school will graduate from college. Isn’t that just crazy to think about? Most students are reading two or three grade levels behind where they are supposed to be.

Here are some other thoughts I had while reading the text:

STEREOTYPES ARE THE SUFFICATOR OF DREAMS AND CATALYST OF LOW EXPECTATIONS. The biggest obstacle to a student’s success is actually low expectations. I must be aware of my conscious and my unconscious biases and expectations. I want to be able to push students to take academic risks and challenge them to be okay with failure. I know that I personally struggle with failure and that is why I often shy away from setting big goals. After reading this text though I see the importance of setting big goals and a plan to achieve them. I mean why try if I am only going to be apathetic about it. I do not simply want to survive as a teacher for two years. I want to excel. And how do I excel as a teacher? I push my students to excel. I don’t want to expect anything short of a miracle to happen in my classroom. I serve a HUGE and PERSONAL God. I pray and ask Him to take control and may I just be a warm body filling up a room, watching miracle after miracle happen as shackle after shackle breaks and eye after eye opens. May I see life come to these students as they begin to believe in themselves as well as something, or Someone bigger. I don’t just want to go down there and “be a social worker. And put shocks on their cars to make their ride so smooth”. Meaning I don’t just want to make their life here on earth or in school easier. I want to see life breathed into them through Jesus Christ. How will that happen? I have no idea. But I pray that it does!

:::GOODBYES:::

I am horrible at goodbyes. Absolutely horrible. I know that often I disconnect from my feelings or just don’t allow myself to really think about what I am about to do…leave. This time was no different. I said goodbyes to friends and family and tried to spend time with the people I love the last week. It wasn’t until I was an hour away from Delta State that I realized that I was MOVING. I was not just visiting or taking a mini-vacay. I was moving to Mississippi and this was going to be my home for two years. It was then that I started to cry and really internalize the fact that I was now simply Nebraska grown. That was not my place of residence any longer.

:::ON THE ROAD:::

The 14-hour drive was so refreshing and went by unbelievingly fast. The Road Trip Challenge was so helpful and a huge blessing. To catch some of you up to speed – The Road Trip Challenge was something I compiled for my own sanity. I facebook/emailed from friends and asked for some “challenges/dares” that I could do during my trip. I completed 16 out of 24 challenges during the two-day trip. Here is a list of a few of them.

DAY 1:

#1 – Drive for an hour in silence.

#6 – Pray with at least one random person along the way (this is a great story, ask me if you want to know more – God is faithful!)

#8 – Stop and dance on a country road (did this at the Iowa border!)

#23 – Listen to a podcast (I actually listened to a sermon on the radio and then an audio book called “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan… but I counted it)

#25 – For each piece of candy you eat, pray over a friend, enemy, or family member.

#16 – Put on some worship tunes and sing as loud as you can

#13 – Pay attention to the billboards and look for something a little bit different that they are advertising like “World’s Largest Pudding Cup”. It can be anything a little bit out of the ordinary or very out of the ordinary. Then go to it. (I went to an Amish Pecan, Jerky, and Cheese store… and an orchard)

#18 – Find and take a picture of a car for each color of the rainbow

#15 – Memorize a section of scripture (I reviewed the 30 day challenge verses… good enough?)

#17 – Thank God for something of every letter in the alphabet

#4 – Drive down the expressway for 5 miles with your head out the window (surprisingly refreshing: just wait for a strip of highway that is clear, roll down the window and drive. This made me laugh out loud)

DAY 2:

#12 – Pull off at the next rest area, set your camera on your car hood on self timer and take a picture. (Arkansas was beautiful!)

#2 – Pull off at the next exit and buy a thing of chocolate milk. Chug it in less than one minute.

#14 – Make up a worship song about what is on your heart.

#20 – Pay for the person behind you in the drive-through.

#24 – Call the 23^rd person in your contact list on your phone (It was Ann Hershberger! I was so excited - and guess what else - she is also the 23rd contact in phone... yeah somehow she was a contact in her own phone)

One thing I had to be cautious about with the challenge was looking at it as a venue for God to work through. I saw myself wanting to make it a to-do list that I had to get done, but really it was supposed to simply make me more aware and open to the leading of the Spirit. It was not supposed o be the point… just a means to be open and willing to be stretched… while having a bit of fun! Ha

:::INDUCTION:::

I arrived at check-in at about 4:30pm. I was covered in sweat due to the increased humidity down south and the lack of air conditioning in my car. While unpacking my stuff it was odd to find that my clothes were a bit damp from the difference in climate. I was overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness within the first few hours. There were so many people around me but I knew that they didn’t know me and I didn’t know them. Oh how my heart ached for an honest friendship. Kelsey called and challenged me to go talk to people but all I really wanted to do was sit in my room. But after hanging up the phone and praying, asking God to grant me divine appointments, meaningful friendships, and a heart to love I headed down the hall. I just want to get to know and love the people around me.

God has truly blessed me and provided in immeasurable ways. I realize more and more how I need to stop worrying, for He truly has it all in control. One of my roommates is a sweat-heart from Alabama and a believer. She is so encouraging and we are actually in the same small group throughout the day. And last night I went for a run with another CM (Corps Member) down the hall. We had a really great conversation about faith and the Bible. She was so open and it was so encouraging to be with someone else who doesn’t claim to have it all figured out but really wants to know Truth. I also met a girl that knows how to play the guitar pretty well. I am excited because maybe she can help me learn more sick guitar skills while I am here for the next six weeks. She is such a humble, soft-spoken leader. I pray the Lord will continue to give me a servant’s heart and a spirit not of timidity but of power, love and self-control!

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Interview Day = This Friday!

Praxis II Testing = Saturday Morning

A Heart To Love

Intentional Friendships